For Want of a Bed
by KingsJester
Summary: All Battler wanted was a bed. Get some sleep, but it seems like Beatrice's trick sends Battler into a complicated situation with her furniture. Lucifer x Battler, One-shot. Please Review


**A Little Book**

Within the Meta-World, a very distressed Battler Ushiromiya was complaining to his opponent, the Golden Witch, Beatrice.

"I can't play anymore, let me get some rest" complained the red-haired man.

"How about this, if you acknowledge me as a witch, I'll conjure the most lovely, comfortable bed made directly from the clouds of Paradisio" replied the woman sitting in the chair; she would do anything to make Battler surrender.

"Milady, if Battler-sama is tired, then he won't be able to entertain you with the vigor and vitality he's been displaying so far. I'm sure it wouldn't be impossible to give him a small reprieve to regain his energy" said the demon butler Ronove; having stayed up for long periods of time attending to the immature woman besides him, even a demon like he could understand the need for a few precious hours of bliss.

"Yeah, exactly as Ronove said. A game's no fun if your opponent's about to fall asleep" said Battler, giving a thankful expression to the friendly demon.

"Hmm, yes. Fine then, go sleep like a baby until you get your strength back" Beatrice beckoned Ronove. "Take him to THAT room" she whispered to her butler "and you are not allowed to tell him anything"

"I understand" said Ronove. He turned to Battler, "Please follow me, Battler-sama" said the butler as he lead the unsuspecting man through a conjured door, down a hall of doors, until they reached a door that was seemingly indifferent than the others. "If you would like any coffee or breakfast after you awaken, don't hesitate to call" said Ronove, as he took his leave. "Good luck"

"What?" asked the red-haired man, now suspicious of the room he was about to enter.

"I said 'good night' Battler-sama" said Ronove with a pleasant smile, before disappearing in a cloud of butterflies.

Battler was so relieved at finding a bed, that he entered the room without a care in the world or bothering to pay attention to the room he was in. He just looked for a large, comfortable bed, and plopped himself on top of it. He fell asleep very quickly.

Unfortunately, he got quite thirsty soon after and woke up with a dry throat. He was about to call for Ronove for a glass of water, until he fully saw the room he was in. The room was large, almost as large as a house, with seven beds scattered around, each having different accessories, pillows, and sheets. The bed Battler was in had regal red sheets, with large, fluffy pillows and an imperial design to it. Battler was 100% certain he had fallen asleep in Lucifer's bed.

Hearing a noise coming from the door he entered, Battler immediately threw himself out of the bed, and with a skill he developed from playing hide-and-go-seek with George, Jessica, Kanon, and Shanon back when they were younger, slid gracefully and silently underneath the bed.

Battler heard the door open, as well as the tapping of heels against the floor. He saw a hand reach under the bed, and was terrified that he had been found, but the hand grabbed a small book near Battler that he hadn't noticed. He could hear scratching which suggested that whoever grabbed the book was writing in it. The hand quickly threw the book underneath the bed clumsily while the door banged open with the sounds of each of the Seven Sisters of Purgatory entering their room and jumping into their beds.

"Eh, why does Onee-sama always go into our room first?" asked Asmodeus.

"N-no reason! Absolutely no reason at all!!!" yelled the oldest sister, Lucifer.

"Maybe Nee-sama is hiding something, like food?" asked Beelzebub.

"Of course not, it's got to be a hidden treasure that she's trying to keep all to herself. Like Battler-kun" said Mammon.

At these words, Battler was sweating bullets. He started silently praying that he not be found by the Sisters.

"AHH, why does Nee-sama get everything." cried Leviathan.

"Shut up, Levi-nee" said Satan, as she threw a pillow at Leviathan.

"If Onee-sama is found with Battler underneath her bed, Beatrice-sama would be upset" said Belphegor, taking Mammon's jab at Lucifer seriously.

"What?! Why would I have that human underneath my bed?" asked Lucifer, now blushing red with humiliation.

"Because you LOVE him ~Kyaa" exclaimed Asmodeus, apparently overcome with happiness at witnessing a real-life romance.

"I don't even enjoy being in his presence. He's rude, selfish, stupid, arrogant, and is completely self-centered" said Lucifer as she listed off Battler's negative traits.

"So he's the perfect match for Nee-sama" said Satan.

"I will never, ever, EVER, be interested in Battler" said Lucifer, trying to put an end to the conversation.

"If you say so, Nee-sama. Anyway, how should we torture him tomorrow? Maybe cut off his limbs one piece at a time?" suggested Mammon.

"I call the leg" said Beelzebub.

"No fair, I wanted the leg" whined Leviathan.

"I want the head" said Asmodeus.

"The head isn't a limb. Rather, if four of us take his limbs, and three of us focus on his abdominal region, we should inflict the most pain while keeping him alive" said Belphegor.

"Just so long as he screams, I don't care how we break him" said Satan.

"Yes, tomorrow will be a nice day" agreed Lucifer. "Good night"

" " " "Good Night" " " " said the rest of the Sisters, before they went to sleep.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, Battler decided to test his luck and poked his head sideways from underneath the bed. He could see that the Sisters were asleep due to the soft, rhythmic movements from their sizeable chests. Confirming that he could sneak out, Battler, slowly and quietly, slid himself from out underneath Lucifer's bed and tiptoed quietly towards the door. He opened it quietly, stepped out, closed the door, and started walking out the hall, until he reached the room where Beatrice should be. He then called out for Ronove.

"Ronove!" yelled Battler.

"Battler-sama, you should keep your voice down. There are ladies sleeping here after all" said Ronove, who materialized with his face almost touching Battler's.

Battler stumbled back, but put his composure together

"Why did you send me there?" asked Battler incredulously, though trying to keep his voice down.

"I'm sorry, but I could not refuse Milady's direct order. However, it looks like you kept a souvenir of your ordeal." said Ronove.

Battler was confused, but looked down at his hand. There in his hand, was the small book that Lucifer had written in. Judging from the way she was hiding it, and the 'nobody should read' vibe the book was giving. Battler could confirm only one thing: he accidentally stole Lucifer's secret diary.

"WHAT SHOULD I DO!" yelled Battler, but was silenced by some sort of invisible hand over his mouth.

"First of all, you shouldn't attract attention to yourself. While the chivalrous thing to do would be to return the object back to its master, considering the situation, that wouldn't work. You could try playing the anti-thief?" considered Ronove.

"?" Battler was confused, but was still muffled by the spell Ronove put on him.

"Oh sorry" Ronove released the spell.

"Anti-thief"

"If you plant the book back where you found it before its owner realizes it's missing, nobody would be any wiser" said Ronove.

"Thank you, Ronove"

Battler had waited until Beatrice and the Stakes woke up. After hearing of their plan to torture him (again), he stayed in the same hall, but at the other end, and waited for them to leave. He quickly rushed in, but regretted it (or not) almost immediately.

There, in front of him, was the naked figure of Lucifer, apparently about to put her uniform on. Ordinarily, her anger at this situation would cause her to turn into her powerful stake form and impale Battler, however, the small book he held in his hand infuriated her past that limit, and for a moment was overcome by the sheer amount of recent hatred for the man.

"What…are you doing…with that?!" yelled Lucifer, venom dripping with every word.

"Umm, listen, this isn't my fault, it's Beato's fault that I'm in this situation in the first place…she, well, y-you see" Poor Battler was trying to explain, but Lucifer was approaching quickly, her purple blade already materializing.

"Killing you a million time isn't enough…by the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging for my sisters!!!" yelled Lucifer, as she ran towards Battler.

Battler instinctively placed the small book in front of himself like a shield, this surprised Lucifer and she tripped on her on feet and landed on Battler.

Right around this time, Asmodeus had come back into the room to pick something up, and saw her oldest sister, naked, on top of their guest/enemy/toy.

"~Kya! I knew you loved Battler, Onee-sama. I can't wait to tell the others. I won't bother you, continue with your wondrous lust" said the blonde girl. She disappeared in a cloud of golden butterflies. She later reappeared along with the rest of the Stakes.

"You see, I told you. ~Kya, Onee-sama and Battler-kun look so kyuuuute together. ~Kya" said Asmodeus.

"Aww, why does Nee-sama get a boyfriend first? I want Battler-kun to grope me too!!!" said Leviathan, blushing furiously at the sight.

"Battler!!! How dare you think you can even touch us without our permission!!! Nee-sama, how shameful that you let yourself be seduced by this milksop of a man" scolded Satan.

"If you want, I could find a room for you two to be…alone" offered Belphegor.

"Hey, Battler-kun, you'll do the same thing to me right? There's no way that Onee-sama can have something I don't!" said Mammon.

"I'm hungry" said Beelzebub, not paying much attention to the scene.

"Th-This isn't what it looks like" stuttered Lucifer, ashamed of her position.

"Oh, if Onee-sama wasn't about to be lustful with Battler-kun, then why didn't she simply kill when he saw her naked?" asked Asmodeus.

"It's because he has-" Lucifer was about to explain, but cut herself off quickly; she didn't want to reveal another weakness to her sisters.

"Eh? What exactly does Battler-kun have that would make Onee-sama hesitate on killing him? Something important?" questioned Mammon, planning on moving in for the kill.

"My diary" said Battler. He saw what was going on, and planned on manipulating the situation to hopefully avoid dying. "I was looking for a place to hide my diary, but I accidentally stumbled on nee-chan changing and-" started Battler, holding out the little book, which was quickly snatched by Lucifer.

"I decided to read into his diary to find his weaknesses and use them for our next 'game'" finished Lucifer, immediately making the book disappear "Too bad there was nothing of use. Battler is so incompetent; he can't even keep a good record of his pitiful, worthless, human life"

Ronove chose that time to appear, eyes closed like the gentleman he was, and said "Excuse me ladies, but Milady has ordered you to report to her. She wants to discuss the next game" said the demon butler.

"Umm…Ronove-sama, I'm not properly…" started Lucifer, upon noticing she was still naked.

"I shall inform Milady. Please join when you are done changing" replied Ronove. He and the other Stakes disappeared in a cloud of butterflies, leaving Battler and Lucifer alone. Again.

"My eyes are closed. Sorry for barging in" said Battler.

He kept his eyes closed and was expecting a stake or similarly painful object to come crashing into his back. He felt nothing.

"You can open your eyes now" said Lucifer. She was now fully garbed and staring at Battler with furious eyes. "You have five seconds to explain yourself" she said, as she raised the same number of fingers for emphasis.

Battler quickly explained about Beatrice's trick, him accidentally taking her diary, and sneaking into the Stakes' room to return the diary.

"D-Did you read it?" asked Lucifer nervously with a furious blush.

"**I did not read your diary**" said Battler, using red text to prove his sincerity.

Lucifer still glared at him for a little while, but her stare softened. "Th-Thank you" said Lucifer. Battler was shocked at hearing this. "If you didn't come up with that lie, my sisters' may've read…" started Lucifer, but stopped herself.

"That's okay. It's personal, I understand" said Battler. "I guess even devil girls need to let off some steam every once in a while"

"Ha ha ha" laughed Lucifer, she had a smile on her face and was laughing at Battler's joke. She quickly stopped herself and looked at him. "Don't expect anything for this. We will never speak of this ever again."

"Okay, nee-chan" said Battler, happy that he got through a day without being horrendously mutilated.

Inside Lucifer's diary were multiple entries during the recent games.

_Beatrice-sama should've been revived, but a human had the gall to defy her. I am angry that Beatrice-sama can't summon me yet. When I find this human, I will make him beg on his knees for forgiveness_

_Ushiromiya…Battler. That's his name. He actually challenged Beatrice-sama to a battle to save his worthless family. How hilarious. He's no competition whatsoever. He's a weak, stupid, perverted, useless stump of a man. He gets excited when Beatrice-sama leads him on, then falls apart when he realizes how incompetent he is._

_Finally, I was able to drive deep into his flesh and hear his delicious screams. Still, he was stubborn. Even after being killed so many times, he refused to surrender. Idiot, that stubbornness will only prolong his torture._

_I don't get what my stupid sisters are trying to imply. I HATE Battler. Just the other day, he had the nerve to try and grab my butt. I tore that hand off and massacred the rest of him. Then, Asmodeus scolded ME by saying I 'should've let my feelings take over'. Why does everyone think I like him?_

Then, the most recent entry

_I'm confused. Battler got his hands on my diary. MY DIARY!!! Just when I thought things were over, he resolved the situation without showing off my weak point. He didn't even read it. WHY? We're enemies, and he treats me like I'm a friend. WHY?! Why doesn't he despise me? Why do I feel happier when I'm around him?_

Lucifer had decided to take a walk around, no particular destination in mind. She walked to where Battler and Beatrice-sama would normally have their game as they looked down at the chessboard. Instead, she found her younger sisters circled around Battler. She already knew what was going to happen; it was practically their only source of fun when they had nobody else to torment.

"Battler-kun, do you know what we have planned for you?" asked Beelzebub.

"Ugh, enough with the flirty talk, just get it over with" said Battler, he felt too drained to retort back like he usually did.

"Aww, Battler-kun doesn't seem to be feeling well. Don't worry, we'll be as gentle as possible" said Asmodeus sensually, her cheek touching his.

"That's enough!" said Lucifer. She had no idea why she said anything. She should be helping torture Battler, not save him.

"But we haven't even started yet. It took forever to catch Battler-kun. He knows a lot of the hiding places now" said Belphegor.

"And it was Belz-chan who found him, I wanted to be the one to find him!" complained Leviathan.

"Shut up and leave him" responded Lucifer. She was blushing profusely now. She didn't even know why she was helping Battler. Was it because of his sincerity at respecting her property, his wit, or the small moment of happiness within her room? Whatever the case, she was Lucifer of Pride, she didn't back down from a task she set out.

"No way, he's ours to break as much as we want. Besides, you were perfectly fine with it last night" said Mammon, quickly turning the tables on Lucifer.

"That's…" Lucifer had started wondering what she had gotten herself into.

"That's right. Why did Onee-sama change her mind?" asked Beelzebub.

"You're indecision surprises me as well. Why the change of heart, Onee-sama?" asked Belphegor. She too, wanted to join in on this game of harassing the oldest.

"It's okay, Onee-sama is the leader. Whatever reason she has is her own" said Asmodeus. Being the youngest, Asmodeus wanted a boyfriend so she could prove to the others that she could be treated seriously. Despite what anybody said to the contrary, she kept on trying to find that prince on the white horse. Battler had potential, but Asmodeus would never dream of stealing him away from her dear Onee-sama. She attempted to play matchmaker between the two, despite Lucifer saying otherwise.

"Thank you Asmo-chan" said Lucifer, now regaining her arrogant composure. "Everybody else!"

"""Fine, Onee-sama""" replied the rest of the Stakes, a bit dejected they missed out on playing with Battler. The younger sisters disappeared in a cloud of golden butterflies; Asmodeus was the last to disappear, giving Lucifer a thumbs-up sign"

Battler was quite surprised with the situation. Ordinarily, when the Stakes started their torture game, Battler mentally braced himself for the pain. He was extremely grateful that Lucifer had arrived when she did, though Battler was curious why.

"Ugh, why did I even do that? You're such a pain, you know that" said Lucifer, rubbing her temples.

"Sorry, I've been nothing but a burden for you today" said Battler sheepishly; he had never had a conversation with Lucifer for this long without being impaled, so he really didn't know what to say. "Thank you, for calling them off. Nee-." Battler was about to call her with his nickname he used to refer to all of the Stakes, but Battler knew she didn't like it, so he corrected himself. "Luci-chama"

"'Luci-chama'? What a strange nickname. Still, it is better than 'Ass nee-chan'" said Lucifer, though she said it was strange, she actually thought it was cute.

"By the way, you wouldn't happen to know where I can get some sleep? I'm going to pass out any second" asked Battler, he was still tired from his lack of sleep, and the adrenaline rush from the fear of getting killed had already worn off.

Lucifer had smiled and laughed at Battler, he could be funny when his humor wasn't littered with perverted comments. She had led him to an empty bedroom and, after resting his mind by assuring in red that there were no traps or anything of the sort, watched as he snuggled under the covers and fell asleep. Lucifer stared at his sleeping face; he looked so peaceful and vulnerable. What was he doing sleeping in front of his enemy's furniture? Did he…trust her?

"Aww, Battler-kun's HOT when he's asleep, right Onee-sama?" asked the voice of Asmodeus.

"W-Why are you asking me?" stuttered Lucifer, taken back by the sudden appearance of the youngest sister and the awkward question.

"Because you L-O-V-E him Onee-sama. You should come out and say it already" said Asmodeus.

"I-I don't…love…him" said Lucifer, getting more embarrassed with each passing moment.

"Well, if Onee-sama doesn't love Battler-kun, then she should be perfectly comfortable if I try and capture Battler's heart" said Asmodeus. She didn't want to get in the way, but her sister was so proud, Asmodeus had to make her jealous.

"F-Fine. Whatever" said Lucifer, trying to convince herself more than her younger sister.

Asmodeus had walked into Battler's room, snuggled underneath the covers and started cuddling Battler.

"~Kya, Battler's sleeping face is hot as well. I wonder if he'd let me…" started Asmodeus, her lips traveling closer to Battler's, making sure that Lucifer could see.

"S-STOP" yelled Lucifer. This woke up Battler, who was taken off guard by Asmodeus being so close to his face.

"Look, look, I knew you l-." started Asmodeus, but was silenced by Lucifer quickly grabbing her mouth.

"Shut up and get out!!!" yelled Lucifer, now thoroughly at the breaking point of blushing.

"Battler-kun; Onee-sama has something she wants to ask you"

"N-No I don't!" yelled Lucifer immediately.

"Well if Onee-sama won't come out and say it, I will" said Asmodeus. She immediately placed her face in front of Battler's again. "Battler-kun" said the youngest sister, putting on the cutest face she could muster. "Can I sleep with you?"

Battler immediately leaned back and covered his nose with his hand, trying to stem the flow of blood spurting out.

Lucifer had become so distressed she forgot all reasoning and said "NO, I want to sleep with Battler"

"~Kya, I knew it. You two are so kyuuute together" said the youngest sister, before disappearing in a shower of butterflies, leaving Lucifer and Battler alone once again.

"C-can I sleep with you, Battler?" asked Lucifer quietly.

"I-If you want" replied Battler, honestly confused with the chaos around him. He adjusted himself to give Lucifer some room.

Lucifer awkwardly and slowly slipped underneath the covers next to Battler. The two stayed there together, waiting for the other to make a move. Battler turned over and wrapped his arms around Lucifer. Although she was taken back a bit, her pride kicked in and she returned the embrace, attempting to be the dominant one. Battler had no objections.

_The next morning_

Battler never liked early mornings; he'd still be sleepy and would sleep in for a few more hours. This morning was special though; after all, who can honestly say they've woken up next to a gorgeous, but extremely dangerous, stake girl.

Lucifer felt the same way; she'd never even spoken to another man before Battler, and was a bit giddy about what would happen next. She immediately frowned upon seeing blonde hair peeking from underneath the sheet.

"Asmodeus, get out of the bed!" yelled Lucifer as she threw off the covers, revealing not the youngest sister of purgatory, but their master, the witch Beatrice.

"Aww, Lucifer. I was sleeping so comfortably on Battler-kun until you woke me up. Shameful furniture" said Beatrice, who was trying to grab at the sheets.

"What are you doing in my bed?!"


End file.
